you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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