Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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