the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
