i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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