I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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