im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
