No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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