She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
