then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
