I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
