yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
