Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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