the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
