I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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