I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize