Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
