whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
