This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
This girl is more easily done than said...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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