I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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