best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
