Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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