I wannas sexs uuuuu
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
