There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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