Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Also, beer. Big fan.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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