Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
