when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize