Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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