I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
