i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize