He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
