didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just want to make out with him forever
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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