she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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