First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
