I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
