the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize