This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
