How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
