saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
