you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
