soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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