When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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