this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
