I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize