i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
