Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
