Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
