Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I need moral support for this bender
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
He has the fingertips of a God
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