How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
