well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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