Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I have tasted many bathrooms
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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