My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
