Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
