is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
