The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We are all done wearing pants today
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
