I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
