Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize