Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
