woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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