I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I think a kid would responsible me up
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
