can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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