He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
