what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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