I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
