just come out here and I will go home with you...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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