Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize