if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize