She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
