I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize