Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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