i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
