Just mADE A PArabola og urine
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
