We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
We smell like vodka and hangover
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