how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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